Emergency... eh... Services

If you’re curious, here’s a little taste of how I spend my free time. (I apologize in advance, Linda. I plead ignorance and swear am just amusing myself. I’m sure your husband [a carabiniere] does very important and fantastic things!)

So far I have identified five government entities (six if you count hospitals/ambulances) that drive what I would classify as emergency vehicles: those with flashing lights that make your heart jump when they pull in behind you while you’re driving. These are the Polizia, Polizia Municipale, Carabinieri, Guardi di Finanza, and the Vigili di Fuoco. There are also the Emergenzia Sanitaria (for after Two-for-One Tuesday’s Margarita Night at La Huerta?) and the Emergenza Infanzia (when you need an extra child to get the group discount?), but I’ve never seen either of these so they don’t count in my "study".I think it’s fairly obvious what the “Vigilant of the Fire” (Vigili del Fuoco) do (although I hope they do more than just watch the fire), so they don’t count either.

Nevertheless, you see the others out in force, doing… well I don’t really know. That’s the point of this rambling. I spend most of my time waiting at bus stops trying to figure out what these people do, and here’s what I’ve discovered so far:

Mystery #1: The Carabinieri: Psuedo-Solved
I had heard that these are the guys you call when something has gone awry and you need a detective – say your purse (or European man-bag) has been swiped, or some drunk bozo drove his motorino into your cardboard box, destroying some of your fake Gucci bags (okay, maybe you wouldn’t call them then, but you get the point).

The phonebook lists them as “pronto intervento,” or “quick intervention,” leading us to believe that these are the people you would turn to when yelling,
“HELP! That guy stole my man-bag!”
“Your purse?”
…pause…
“YES!!! He stole my purse!!!”

This, however, doesn’t really seem quite accurate. A while back, my friend Margaretta was walking to her apartment in Piazza del Popolo when two men drove up, yanked her purse through the car window, and sped off. She happened to be standing in front of two carabinieri when this happened, so she looked to them and frantically, in Italian, pleaded for them to chase the two men who had stolen her purse. Instead of chasing the purse-snatchers, the carabinieri offered to take her to a café and buy her an espresso so she could relax and calm down.

Role of the Carabinieri: offer free emotional support and coffee when something bad has happened.

(Author's note: after two years of watching these guys in action, this impression sadly has not changed much.)

Mystery #2: The Polizia Municipale: Psuedo-Solved
I don’t know about you, but I guessed that the municipal police would have something to do with local traffic laws. I always see them standing around street corners with ticket books, so at first I thought they gave tickets for jaywalking. I’ve since determined that there IS no such thing as jaywalking in Italy. People just walk out into the street at random. After seeing this in action, I began crossing the street at a diagonal in front of the polizia municipale every day. They never batted an eye, so I’m pretty sure that’s not what they do.

Fortunately, the other day I had to get up really early for work, and I got to see them in action. Two women were standing together at a street-corner in their municipale garb, and when the stoplight turned green, they both waved for the cars to go! Brilliant! There is no further need for a stoplight to tell you when to go. The police will watch the lights for you and tell you when they’re green!

Role of the Polizia Municipale: wave at drivers when the traffic lights turn green.

(Author's note: after two years of watching these guys, I have to admit they DO do a bit more. For instance, they're the guys that give you parking tickets for parking your car on the sidewalk. Where else are you supposed to park in this city?!? One point of curiosity, however. I've learned that it takes at least two people to write a parking ticket, and three are definitely preferable.)

The Ongoing Search
Well, that’s all I’ve got so far. I plan to spend another six hours or so waiting for buses this week, so I’ll let you know if there are any other discoveries.

In case you’re curious, my hypotheses are as follows:

Polizia – These guys have always thought uniforms were pretty, and they really like having flashing lights on top of their car. Their specialty is giving directions to tourists, and sometimes shuffling around a predetermined meeting point.

(Author's note: yeah, that seems about right.)

Guardi di Finanza – I think this means “watchers of finance” but I prefer to translate it “you watch the finance”. I have a feeling that their morning meetings go something like this:
Paolo: “You watch the finances today.”
Giovanni: “No YOU watch the finances. I watched them yesterday!”
Paolo: “Let’s go get coffee.”
Giovanni: “Let’s!”

(Author's note: I seriously have never seen these guys do anything other than drive and eat... but maybe that's because the only thing I launder is my clothes.)

I’m sure these people have real jobs, but it’s amusing for me to think otherwise…